For Mom and Keiki's Blog

A Baby Cries

For Mom and Keiki — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 13:48:50 +0000

Parents get on the job training when a new baby is welcomed into the world. By watching and listening, they learn very quickly that babies can communicate their needs and wants. According to William Sears, M.D., and Martha Sears, R.N., authors of The Discipline Book as well as numerous other parenting books, babies are born with attachment-promoting behaviors. These behaviors are babies’ earliest language. In fact, parents will find this form of communication irresistible, as it is designed this way in order to promote a response from them.

The strongest attachment-promoting behavior is a baby’s cry. It is a parent’s job to respond to a baby’s cry. Do not worry about whether or not baby will be spoiled or is trying to be manipulative. A newborn is only wired to communicate needs or wants, which at this age are one and the same. A baby may cry to communicate physical needs, such as when hungry, tired, needs a diaper change, too hot or too cold. A baby may also cry when anxious or just needs some affection and cuddling. Just pick up the baby. Do not worry if the response is not “correct,” baby will let you know. For example, if baby wants to be fed after being picked up, she will gnaw on her fists or root for the breast. Babies will communicate their needs, and as time goes on, parents will respond with less calculation and more intuition.

At some point in time, many parents will receive the advice to “let baby cry it out—leave baby to cry alone.” The Sears’ completely disagree with this mantra. They say that a baby’s cry ensures that the needs for food, holding, rest and social interaction are met. Furthermore, a baby’s cry develops a mother’s parenting skills. Responding to a baby’s cry is how baby learns to trust. The Sears’ do not believe that it is the parents’ responsibility to stop their baby from crying, as only baby can do that. It is the parents’ job to help their baby stop crying. There will be times when baby may not stop crying no matter what kind of comfort parents try, but the difference is that baby knows mom and dad are there and is secure in that. The Sears’ encourage parents to continue to hold, rock, bounce, whatever it takes to help comfort baby.

At the beginning of the “typical” cry of a baby, the sound strikes an emphatic chord in the mother, and she responds with a nurturing and comforting response. According to the Sears’, this is the attachment promoting phase of a baby’s cry. The Sears’ have found that babies whose early cries receive a nurturing response, learn to cry “better.” Their cries are mellow and not disturbing. When baby’s cries are not answered, they become more disturbing as baby grows angry. These cries can make a mother angry and set up an avoidance response. As these babies learn to cry harder, a distance develops between mother and baby. According to the Sears’, the ultimate in crying sensitivity is when parents become so fine tuned to their baby’s body language that they read and respond to precry signals and intervene before crying is necessary. These babies soon learn that they need not cry hard or sometimes at all to have their needs met.

For Mom and Keiki

All Things Mothering

For Mom and Keiki — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 20:22:39 +0000

Mothering Magazine is one of my all time favorites! And now, they have a blog! Check it out!

http://mothering.com/all-things-mothering

If You Nurse Your Baby…

For Mom and Keiki — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 03:26:36 +0000

Excerpts from

Weaning a Baby from the Breast

Diane Wiessinger, MS, IBCLC

If mom nurses baby for just a few days, the baby will receive the colostrum or “early milk.” Colostrum provides the baby with antibodies and is the first “immunization.” This first milk aids baby’s digestive system and helps the baby to pass the meconium.
If mom nurses baby for four to six weeks, the baby will have been eased through the most critical part of infancy. Newborns who are breastfed are less likely to get sick or be hospitalized and have less digestive problems.
If mom nurses baby for three or four months, the digestive system of the baby will have matured greatly and will be better able to tolerate formula. Breastfeeding solely for the first four months will give the baby strong protection against ear infections for the whole year.
If mom nurses baby for six months, the baby will be less likely to have an allergic reaction to formula or other foods. Nursing for six months, helps ensure better health throughout the baby’s first year of life, including reducing the risk for childhood cancers.
If mom nurses baby for nine months, breastmilk will have seen the baby through the fastest and most important brain and body development of the baby’s life.
If mom nurses baby for one year, the family would have saved enough money to purchase a major household appliance. The baby will be able to handle most table foods at this time. Many of the health benefits the baby has received from nursing for the first year will last a lifetime.

formomandkeiki

Top Ten Things You can do to help a new Mom

For Mom and Keiki — Sat, 26 Jun 2010 16:03:21 +0000

10. Take her to any appointments and help out with the baby.

9. Run errands. Do the grocery shopping.

8. Do not give unwanted baby advice.

7. Care for older siblings.

6. Do some housekeeping, such as laundry or vacuuming.

5. Get together with some friends and chip in to pay for a professional house cleaning service for a couple of weeks.

4. Prepare meals. Be sure to have everything precooked, so that all she or dad has to do is warm the food before they eat it.

3. Look after the baby while mom takes a relaxing shower or bath or a nap.

2. Focus on the new mom. Ask how she is doing, and what she needs, not just how the baby is sleeping.

1. Limit visiting time

Do not expect to be entertained when visiting. Remember that the entire family will probably be tired and need their rest!

Fostering Independence in Your Toddler

For Mom and Keiki — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 20:42:44 +0000

Independence grows out of dependence. Humans are not born ready to run with the herd within minutes of birth. We are members of the order primates, which have slower rates of development than most other mammals. As primates, human babies rely on their parents, siblings or other caregiver for feedings, transportation, and security.

According to William Sears, M.D., and Martha Sears, R.N., authors of The Baby Book, studies have shown that the most securely attached infants actually showed less anxiety when separated from their mothers to explore toys in the same room. When going from oneness to separateness, the securely attached baby establishes a balance. This balance is between a desire to explore and a continued need for the feeling of security provided by a trusted caregiver.

Once toddlers become mobile, the world is theirs to explore. Most likely, “No!” will become a big part of their vocabulary. Experts say that instead of viewing this as disobedience; consider this as another independence milestone to be celebrated. Saying “no” signals that toddlers are beginning to understand they are individuals with their own wants and ideas.

How Can Parents Help Foster a Toddler’s Growing Independence?

A parent’s job is to find a balance between a toddler’s growing need to explore and a need to keep your child safe, and possibly maintain some order. If you have not already done so, spend some time getting your home toddler-ready (remove breakables, cover electrical outlets, etc.). An explorer in the house can be messy. Try to reconcile yourself to the fact that your home will most likely not wind up on the cover of House Beautiful during these years!

Experts say that when it involves toddlers, cooperation is key. It is normal for toddlers to want to try what mommy, daddy or older siblings are doing. Offer choices within reason. “Would you like eggs or cereal for breakfast?” “Do you want to wear the blue or the green shirt?” Having opportunities to make choices help children gain independence and confidence. Giving children choices is a useful positive parenting tool for avoiding behavior problems as well. It is respectful to your child too. It recognizes a growing capability and the right of children to have at least some control in their own lives. Choices also help a child learn to make decisions and express preferences.

Parents can also assign child-sized chores to their toddler, such as helping sort and fold clean laundry or sweeping the floor with a dustpan and broom. Remember to build time into your day to let your children discover. Toddlers learn so much more when walking through the park instead of being confined to a stroller.

Remember that balance a parent needs to keep? Know when to step in and lend a helping hand. A toddler’s independence will ebb and flow, especially during times of change, such as during an illness or a new baby is welcomed into the family. When they ask, be prepared to help. Knowing that they can return to you for comfort as well as help, even with an undertaking that they have already mastered, will build more confidence and encourage children to take their next independent steps onward. For every two steps forward, it is normal to take a step back.

During the first year of life, a baby’s needs and wants are the same thing. Meeting your baby’s needs is the best way to help him/her feel safe and secure. Current research shows that being held “too” much cannot spoil babies; rather, children who have a strong attachment to a trusted caregiver are secure and learn early that they can count on mommy, daddy and others for help and comfort. They know that home is a secure place, and are more willing to venture out and explore later on in life.

formomandkeiki

Starting the Breastfed Baby on Solids–Some Myths

For Mom and Keiki — Tue, 04 May 2010 23:54:48 +0000

Myths

The following statements are all false. Unfortunately, breastfeeding is usually undermined when health care providers and/or family members convince moms that the following are true.

My baby just doubled her birthweight. Must be time for solids.

My mother-in-law says that if you give a baby solids, she will sleep through the night.

There is something wrong with a nine-month old that won’t eat “real” food.

I need to start solids because my baby is too thin.

I need to wean because my baby is too fat.

Isn’t breastmilk high in cholesterol?

I need to start solids because my milk looks like skim milk.

My three month old nurses constantly. My mother says giving him bananas will fill him up.

My four month old seems constipated. Will prune juice help?

Commercial baby food is better, more fresh.

Rice cereal is the only safe first food.

If you wait too long to start solids, they will be picky eaters.

My baby is getting his first tooth. Time to wean.

There is no benefit to nursing after one year of age.

I see no point in letting the baby feed herself. It’s such a mess. -

By:

formomandkeiki

Tips for Before and After Baby’s Arrival

For Mom and Keiki — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 13:15:22 +0000

* Record a voicemail message with the latest info about baby — screen calls while also informing well-wishers

* Hang your bathrobe by the front door; slip it on when you answer the door to let visitors know you are still not up for visitors.

* Set up a nursing station or two — pillows, comfortable seat, remote, books, snacks, water bottle, phone, toys for older children

* Post a list of housekeeping tasks on fridge for friends who want to help out

* Hang instructions by washer/dryer for helpful friends or your laundry-impaired partner

* Prepare batches of healthy snacks (cut veggies, dried fruit, etc.) so they are available when the mid-day “hungry” hits

* Collect crockpot recipes! Crockpots allow you (or a helper) to do simple meal prep in the morning, dinner is ready in evening

* If you are or will be a working mother, arrange for your maternity leave

* Time for a “family meeting”. Discuss with your partner and other children how things will change (for you AND for them) when the new baby arrives

* Buy night light bulbs and hide the alarm clock to make night time nursings less disruptive

* Hang room-darkening shades in the bedroom so you can nap when the baby naps

* Prepare your guest room — can a family member or close friend stay for a few days

to help with the other children, cooking, and household chores?

www.formomandkeiki.com

Tips for Traveling with Babies and Toddlers by Air Plane

For Mom and Keiki — Sun, 11 Apr 2010 20:48:22 +0000

Go to the airport before your trip with your toddler who has never been on a plane. Watch the planes take off, land and taxi. Watch people queuing up for security. Explain that this is what you will be doing. Let your toddler get excited.

Let your child help pack his/her own suitcase. Talk about what types of clothes that will be needed—for cold weather or warm, etc.

Let children pull their own carry-on bag. It gives you a separate space to pack your child’s change of clothes, snacks, books and toys. The responsibility of carrying or pulling a bag gives your child focus and a sense of importance.

Run them through the airport. Make good use of the time leading up to boarding by helping your child to burn off excess energy, which is endless in toddlers!

Use the advance online check-in option to print boarding passes and check seats. This can be done 24 hours in advance of the flight. Have any flight notifications, such as delays, sent to your mobile phone.
Use curbside check-in to unload heavy bags before entering the airport (remember to tip the skycap).
Do not check your stroller. Airports are always bigger than you think. Gate check your stroller when you are boarding the plane. Umbrella strollers are easier to navigate and stow away. “Wearing” your baby in a sling will also be easier and less cumbersome then hauling the “plastic baby buckets” through the airport and onto the plane.
Avoid prime time flights. Try the middle of the week and middle of the morning flights when the plane might not be full.
Do not take the last flight of the day. Bad weather can cause cancellations and a night at the airport with the kids. Still, I have booked late flights, with the knowledge that the kids would sleep most, if not all of the flight.
If traveling by yourself and need to catch a connecting flight in a terminal on the far side of the airport, request help in advanced (the golf cart shuttles).
Most major airports have websites where you can get information in advanced about layouts and services. Try to avoid going through “difficult” airports, such as Los Angeles, Ca. and Newark, N.J.
If traveling to the east coast, I prefer to have a layover on the west coast. Just long enough to stretch, get a bite to eat, and burn off more of that toddler energy.

Author: formomandkeiki.com

How to Know a Health Professional is not Supportive of Breastfeeding

For Mom and Keiki — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 13:23:04 +0000

All health professionals say they are supportive of breastfeeding. But many are supportive only when
breastfeeding is going well, and some, not even then. As soon as breastfeeding, or anything in the life of the new
mother is not perfect, too many advise weaning or supplementation. The following is a partial list of clues that help
you judge whether the health professional is supportive of breastfeeding, at least supportive enough so that if there is
trouble, s/he will make efforts to help you continue breastfeeding.
How to know a health professional is not supportive:
1. S/he gives you formula samples or formula company literature when you are pregnant, or after you have
had the baby. These samples and literature are inducements to use the product, and their distribution is called
marketing. There is no evidence that any particular formula is better or worse than any other for the normal baby.
The literature, CD’s or videos accompanying samples are a means of subtly (and not so subtly) undermining
breastfeeding and glorifying formula. If you do not believe this, ask yourself why the formula companies are using
cutthroat tactics to make sure that your doctor or hospital gives out their literature and samples and not other
companies’? Should you not also wonder why the health professional is not marketing breastfeeding?
2. S/he tells you that breastfeeding and bottle feeding are essentially the same. Most bottle-fed babies grow up
healthy and secure and not all breastfed babies grow up healthy and secure. But this does not mean that breastfeeding
and bottle feeding are essentially the same. Infant formula is a rough copy of what we knew several years ago about
breastmilk which is in itself only a rough approximation of something we are only beginning to get an inkling of and
are constantly being surprised by. For example, we have known for many years that DHA and ARA were important to
the baby’s brain development, but it took years to get it into formulas. But it doesn’t follow that the addition of these
to formulas is doing what they are supposed to, as their absorption from formula is different from breastmilk. The
many differences have important health consequences. Many elements in breastmilk are not found in artificial baby
milk (formula) even though we have known of their importance to the baby for several years—for example, antibodies
and cells for protection of the baby against infection, growth factors that help the immune system, the brain and other
organs to mature. And breastfeeding is not the same as bottle feeding, it is a whole different relationship. If you have
been unable to breastfeed, that is unfortunate (though most times the problems could have been avoided), but to imply
it is of no importance is patronizing and just plain wrong. A baby does not have to be breastfed to grow up happy,
healthy and secure, but it does help.
3. S/he tells you that formula x is best. This usually means that s/he is listening too much to a particular formula
representative. It may mean that her/his children tolerated this particular formula better than other formulas. It
means that s/he has unsubstantiated prejudices.
4. S/he tells you that it is not necessary to feed the baby immediately after the birth since you are (will be)
tired and the baby is often not interested anyhow. It isn’t necessary, but it is often very helpful (See handouts #1
Breastfeeding—Starting Out Right and #1b The Importance of Skin to Skin Contact). Babies can nurse while the mother is
lying down or sleeping, though most mothers do not want to sleep at a moment such as this. Babies do not always
show an interest in feeding immediately, but this is not a reason to prevent them from having the opportunity. Many
babies latch on in the hour or two after delivery, and this is the time that is most conducive to getting started well, but
they can’t do it if they are separated from their mothers. If you are getting the impression that the baby’s getting
weighed, eye drops and vitamin K injection have priority over establishing breastfeeding, you might wonder about
someone’s commitment to breastfeeding.
5. S/he tells you that there is no such thing as nipple confusion and you should start giving bottles early to
your baby to make sure that the baby accepts a bottle nipple. Why do you have to start giving bottles early if
there is no such thing as nipple confusion? Arguing that there is no evidence for the existence of nipple confusion is
putting the cart before the horse. It is the artificial nipple, which no mammal until man had ever used, and even man,
not commonly before the end of the nineteenth century, which needs to be shown to be harmless. But the artificial
nipple has not been proved harmless to breastfeeding. The health professional who assumes the artificial nipple is
harmless is looking at the world as if bottle feeding, not breastfeeding, were the normal physiologic method of infant
feeding. By the way, just because not all, or perhaps even not most, babies who get artificial nipples have trouble with
breastfeeding, it does not follow that the early use of these things cannot cause problems for some babies. It is often a
combination of factors, one of which could be the using of an artificial nipple, which add up to trouble.
6. S/he tells you that you must stop breastfeeding because you or your baby is sick, or because you will be
taking medicine or you will have a medical test done. There are occasional, rare, situations when breastfeeding
cannot continue, but often health professionals only assume that the mother cannot continue and very often they are
wrong. The health professional who is supportive of breastfeeding will make efforts to find out how to avoid
interruption of breastfeeding (the information in white pages of the blue Compendium of Pharmaceutical Specialties
and the PDR are not a good references—every drug is contraindicated according to them as the drug companies are
more interested in their liability than in the interests of mothers and babies). When a mother must take medicine, the
health professional will try to use medication that does not require the mother to stop breastfeeding. (In fact, very few
medications require the mother to stop breastfeeding). It is extremely uncommon for there to be only one medication
that can be used for a particular problem. If the first choice of the health professional is a medication that requires you
to stop breastfeeding, you have a right to be concerned that s/he has not really thought about the importance of
breastfeeding.
7. S/he is surprised to learn that your six month old is still breastfeeding. Many health professionals believe that
babies should be continued on artificial baby milk for at least nine months and even 12 months (and now that the
formula companies sell formulas for up to 18 months and even three years, soon some health professionals will be
urging mothers to use formula for three years), but at the same time seem to believe that breastmilk and breastfeeding
are unnecessary and even harmful if continued longer than six months. Why is the imitation better than the original?
Shouldn’t you wonder what this line of reasoning implies? In most of the world, breastfeeding to two or three years of
age is common and normal, though, thanks to good marketing of formula, less and less common.
8. S/he tells you that breastmilk has no nutritional value after the baby is 6 months or older. Even if it were
true, there is still value in breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is a unique interaction between two people in love even without
the milk. But it is not true. Breastmilk is still milk, with fat, protein, calories, vitamins and the rest, and the antibodies
and other elements that protect the baby against infections are still there, some in greater quantities than when the baby
was younger. Anyone who tells you this doesn’t know the first thing about breastfeeding.
9. S/he tells you that you must never allow your baby to fall asleep at the breast. Why not? It is fine if a baby
can also fall asleep without nursing, but one of the advantages of breastfeeding is that you have a handy way of putting
your tired baby to sleep. Mothers around the world since the beginning of mammalian time have done just that. One
of the great pleasures of parenthood is having a child fall asleep in your arms, feeling the warmth he gives off as sleep
overcomes him. It is one of the pleasures of breastfeeding, both for the mother and probably also for the baby, when
the baby falls asleep at the breast.
10. S/he tells you that you should not stay in hospital to nurse your sick child because it is important you rest
at home. It is important you rest, and the hospital that is supportive of breastfeeding will arrange it so that you can
rest while you stay in the hospital to nurse your baby. Sick babies do not need breastfeeding less than a healthy baby,
they need it more.
11. S/he does not try to get you help if you are having trouble with breastfeeding. Most problems can be
prevented or cured, and most of the time the answer to breastfeeding problems is not giving formula. Unfortunately,
many health professionals, particularly physicians, and even more particularly pediatricians, do not know how to help. But there
is help out there. Insist on getting it. “You don’t have to breastfeed to be a good mother”, is true, but not an answer
to a breastfeeding problem.
Handout #18. How to Know a Health Professional is not Supportive of Breastfeeding. Revised January 2005
Written by Jack Newman, MD, FRCPC. © 2005
This handout may be copied and distributed without further permission,
on the condition that it is not used in any context in which the WHO code on the marketing of
breastmilk substitutes is violated

I highly recommend Dr. Jack Newman’s book, Guide to Breastfeeding (called The Ultimate Breastfeeding Book of Answers in the USA)

www.formomandkeiki.com

Why Breastfeed?

For Mom and Keiki — Sun, 21 Mar 2010 21:07:45 +0000

“Born into a world teeming with germs and infections, a newborn’s strongest defense comes from colostrum, the substance produced in the first few days after birth, which provides the baby’s first immunization.” (UNICEF, 1992)

A nursing baby takes in 100 million live cells per day. Many of these cells survive for 48 hours or longer. (The Nursing Mother’s Guide to Weaning)
Breastfeeding provides the perfect food for your baby. Mother’s milk contains all the nutrients in the right amount needed by your baby.
Breastmilk is specifically designed to accommodate the development of a baby’s brain and nervous system.
One study, which followed both breastfed and formula-fed babies, showed that by eight years of age, the breastfed babies had an IQ of at least ten points higher than the formula-fed babies.
Breastfed babies have fewer allergies.
Breastfed babies have fewer illnesses as human milk contains antibodies that protect your baby.
Breastfeeding promotes proper tooth, gum, jaw and palate development.
Breastfed babies thrive on the close body contact.
Baby has more pleasant smelling stools and less spitting up.
Breastfeeding is economical. The money saved breastfeeding your baby for one year will buy a major household appliance.
Breastfeeding is convenient. Breastmilk is always ready. There is nothing to buy, carry, measure or heat.
Breastfeeding is better for the environment. For every three million formula-fed babies, 450 million cans of formula are used—resulting in 70,000 tons of un-recycled metal. (The Politics of Breastfeeding)
Breastfeeding helps a woman’s uterus return to its non-pregnant state.
Breastfeeding delays the return of a woman’s menstrual cycle.
Breastfeeding offers women protection against breast cancer, ovarian cancer and osteoporosis.
Breastfeeding is enjoyable for mother, baby and father.
Night feeding can be done in bed with minimal disturbance to mother and father.

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